i'm pretty much awesome

English is a waste of time

2006-11-27T18:26:00.000-06:00

Looking at the 3 red marks on my "C" paper, I started to finally realize that English is a pointless class. So far I don't think I've ever been taught how to write a paper. It's just the same bullshit where I'm assigned a 5 page paper and get 3 mispelling errors handed back to me with a bright red "C" on it.

I did however realize that writing is like Art. Some people have the gift, and others just blow at it no matter how hard they try. English teachers are like Art critics. Somehow Samuel Colderidge, under the influence of opium, can write something brilliant, because I'm sure he ment to use all of the symbols and paradoxes. Does it surprise anyone that our "greatest" poets were fucking high all the time? It's all bullshit.

And why the hell should I follow something that was just "made up" over time. I'd like to see the debate over the proper use of the semi-colon. Or did one of those stoner poets make that up too? At least math has some logical reasoning, where it makes sense that 10 divided 2 equals 5. English has no logical reasoning, it's just some fat white guy telling me to write like him.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T19:55:00.000-06:00

I would replace the HTML snowfall on this site with turkey's, but it just wouldn't be the same.

and now for a corny joke:
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock

And that's my cue to exit.

Twists and Trials

2006-11-21T11:25:00.000-06:00

Wouldn't you know, the Democrats pro-war again.

After months of campaigning to gain their spot in the House, and opposing the Iraq war, they don't want our troops out. They want MORE troops there! Did anyone NOT freaking expect this? They spoonfed lies to everyone, they knew that Iraq would be an even greater mess if we pulled troops out, but continued to say that we would be pulling them. Now their agenda's are completely changed. I swear to God I'm going to explode if I hear Pelosi or John Kerry say that we need to continue in Iraq. Of course it wouldn't be a new experience of flip-flopping for John Kerry.

Bush: vietnam has lessons for Iraq

2006-11-17T10:22:00.000-06:00

President Bush, on his first visit to a country where the United States lost a
two-decade-long fight against communism, said Friday the Vietnam War's lesson
for today's confounding Iraq conflict is that freedom takes time to trump
hatred.

Hey George, here's a tip:
US elections have a lesson for Presidents

I'm pretty sure the American people are just going to do the opposite of what you say right about now, as if it wasn't evident after the election results.

The war in Iraq is nothing in comparison to Vietnam. When most people argue statistics, they say "Well X number of Americans died in Vietnam, and that's coming close to the death toll in Iraq." Well you're missing one thing dipshit, the Vietnamese. In the Vietnam War the USA had a total of about 58,000 dead, the RVN had 230,000 dead.

According to The Associated Press reports, as of November 1, 2006, the death toll in the last four years was about 2,800. So we could practically keep the Iraq war going for 20 years before we even come close to the Vietnam death toll for US troops. But I love how the media makes us think the death toll is anywhere close to Vietnam.

Source: http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/16/bush.hanoi.ap/index.html

Polution: Goood

2006-11-16T09:21:00.000-06:00

While carbon dioxide keeps heat from escaping Earth,
substances such as sulfur dioxide, a common air pollutant, reflect solar
radiation, helping cool the planet.
The Dutch climatologist, awarded a 1995 Nobel in chemistry for his work uncovering the threat to Earth's atmospheric ozone layer, suggested that balloons bearing heavy guns be used to carry sulfates high aloft and fire them into the stratosphere.

Well good thing we found this out before completely eliminating pollution. That would be kind of messy.

In Nairobi, meanwhile, hundreds of delegates were wrapping up a two-week
conference expected to only slowly advance efforts to rein in greenhouse gases
blamed for much of the 0.6-degree-Celsius (1-degree-Fahrenheit) rise in global
temperatures in the past century.

Good God, we're all gonna die! With a global temperature rise of 1 degree every 100 years... We'll be able to cook Digiorno's Pizza's on our sidewalks in about 30,000 years! Sweet!

Source: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/11/16/smog.warming.ap/index.html

Clearly I'm the smartest guy in the world

2006-11-09T16:35:00.000-06:00

Do you think that if Bush campaigned for the Democrats (or tried to), the results would have been different? Hell with an approval rating of 30%, I bet if someone saw him with a Mcdonalds cup, then Mcdonalds would go out of business. I don't really pay much attention to those approval ratings, or any sample poll. The way I see it is if I didn't get a chance to vote for it, it ain't worth shit.

If I was Bush, I would have held up a "Vote for Pelosi" sign during a speech. I bet some people would think that Pelosi was a Republican because of it and not vote for her since "1/4th of americans are retards" (south park quote).

Anyway, I'm getting a Nintendo Wii pretty soon. The PS3 price is ridiculous, and the 360 only really presents better graphics and a new case design.

Dems take the House

2006-11-07T23:48:00.000-06:00

Not confirmed yet, but it looks like there's a pretty high chance so far. Senate's looking pretty iffy right now too.

Honestly, when hearing this, I couldn't help but feel a sigh of relief. This whole 4-8 year long stretch where the GOP has been in power, we've defended so much, been attacked on a daily basis, and now it's our turn. It's for the best anyway if you think about it. We've been through the tough war in Iraq, a few scandals, the Patriot Act from Hell.. you've gotta give credit to the American people for not voting for us again.

It's the Dems turn in the spotlight, and man I can't wait. I've always liked to make jokes and make other people laugh, and with the Democrats in power I'll have much more material to work with :).

I couldn't help but think what The Daily Show will do if the Democrats take the house, senate, AND the presidency. Would they go off the air? Start making more jokes about Democrats? To be honest, I watched the show around when it first aired and it only really started getting popular during the elections.

Maybe The Colbert Report (or Colbere Repore) will take its place.

Political Cartoons: The Big Picture

2006-11-06T15:04:00.000-06:00

CNN posted a few political cartoon ads sent in by random people. I figured I would analyze them, to find out their hidden meanings. Click to make them bigger.

First up

This is our Moral Standing surrounded by what we all love and appreciate, green goo and cigarette's. Clearly the rats don't fit in. The rats symbolize the media. Also the Democrats.

Oh shit! Scandalwave! If you are ever in this kind of situation and you don't have a towel, please go to your nearest election. The elephant is fucked, the fat ones always die.

"Hey Jim, what do you think would happen if we gave that elephant and donkey over there a sip of some beer?"
"Haha, well I don't know Bob, they might pick up those picket signs on the ground and start whacking eachother."

Mr. Magoo for president '08.

Spot, the dog, patiently waits for his futile master to take a sip of his coffee, not knowing of the fecies he dumped in the coffee pot early that morning.

Sandy, a 4th grade student at a local Nebraska elementary school, mistakes nuclear waste for mud.

Mr. Potato-nose and his gay lover risk a Christmas disappointment by refusing to buy Bowflex.

Bald idiots, while calm in nature, have the ability sneak up behind their prey and ask them long yes or no questions.

View the original article here.

Donate!

2006-11-05T00:35:00.000-06:00

Great way to support the troops.

These donations will be used to provide voice-controlled computers to soldiers in the army, navy, marines, and air force recovering from hand and arm injuries. I donated $5 of my beer money, and so should you! Every cent helps.

I donated to the marines, but you can donate wherever you want.

Read more here.

Yay, snow

2006-11-01T12:12:00.000-06:00

If it annoys you, get the hell out.

Just kidding, seriously don't leave, you're all I've got.

I'll start posting more once my brain starts clicking (this could take a while).

But for now I'll feed you with a little comic strip from pbfcomics:

(click to make it bigger)

Nice shoes

2006-10-30T10:41:00.000-06:00

So my roommate went home for the weekend and came back yesterday with some brand new shoes. It took me a second to realize-- what the hell, those are my shoes. He went out and got the same exact shoes that I wear. Can you think of anything gayer than roommates with the same exact shoes (don't answer that)? What's even more interesting is that I remember a few weeks ago some girl came in our room and said she liked my shoes, I said she had nice hair, and we instantly took our clothes off and had hardcore protected sex on my bed (ok, so that didn't happen). But she did say she liked my shoes, which is why I think he bought the same shoes as me.

Case closed.

7-0 baby

2006-10-29T15:12:00.000-06:00

The Bears pretty much killed the 49ers today. 41-10. Grossman played awful against the Cardinals last week, but played pretty much amazing today with 79% pass completion, 3 TD's, for 252 yards, with no interceptions. Gould still keeps his perfect kicking season (I wish they would have let him kick it at the end of the 4th quarter instead of downing it.)

I found out that Urlacher was #2 for most overrated players by Sports Illustrated on a poll of around 300 NFL players or something. How does that even make sense? TO was ranked #1. I'd be pissed off if I was anywhere close to TO on that list. I know, I bet they all looked at NFL.com and didn't see him under any of the stats.

I also hope the colts lose today.

Fuck, the colts won.

Speaking of South Park

2006-10-28T01:58:00.000-05:00

Found this pretty funny clip of Mr. Garrisons book.

p.s. if it doesnt work then I suck at HTML

It's unfair to make fun of steve irwin

2006-10-27T14:28:00.000-05:00

After all, he saved us from the crocodiles. In all fairness, I think everyone expected him to die by something wild.

The last South Park episode showed Steve Irwin in Hell with a stingray still dangling from his chest, which of course caused controversy. Hey, at least the stingray went to hell too right? I'd be content with that.

Some british asshole (John Beyer of UK TV watchdog Mediawatch, if you must know) had this to say, "To lampoon somebody's death like that is unacceptable and so soon after the event is grossly insensitive.'' Personally I don't think he's being fair to Kenny. The kid dies every episode, only to be brought back at the beginning of every episode, to die once again at the end of the episode. That's what really matters here.

Wait, what?

God damnit, Foley.

2006-10-27T14:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not falling for this again.
Not after last time.